Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Just Us Girls

We're still figuring out this new life with ours, + one kid, - one adult. I'm beginning to feel out-numbered. Some days I think I've got it and we (mostly) sail through painlessly. And other days it's tears all around as we struggle against new boundaries and limitations. Mostly mine. This mama is no superwoman. But we're still here, stepping into each day with a hopefulness and determination.
The girls are having a bit of difficulty finding their place with our new baby. They have been taking turns reverting backward. I never know from day to day who will decide she cannot dress herself any longer. Who has to use a sippy cup and when, oh when will my Zoe decide to start using the toilet again?! Though, Kaiya loves to play mommy to River. Yesterday River sat in her little seat as I cleaned the bathroom (no toxic/smelly chemicals). She began to cry so Kaiya immediately ran to the fridge and grabbed the bottle I had pumped for my husband to give her when he came over on Sunday. She was so pleased that River would take a (cold) bottle from her. And I am happy to see my little girls so in love with their new sister despite their new found insecurities.
I struggle to fill the role of mommy and daddy, without much grace, I must admit.
The past few weeks I have been feeling the pull of the baby blues, a darkness settling in. I've been there before, but am coming out now, digging my heels in and refusing to let it take me under. I have too much life here to surrender to depression. A new life to build for me and my girls. And while every day we have trials and mountains to climb and some days we are all four screaming and crying I am eager to get on with our lives and to be everything my girls need me to be... everything I need me to be.
So, we are taking little steps and being gentle with ourselves and each other. And taking lots and lots of time to just love each other.


KnitterMama said...

Your girls look so beautiful there together. I am thinking about you. I have had three rounds of postpartum depression. I can't imagine coping with it while also dealing with a new kind of relationship with my husband, Take care of yourself. Truly.

The Knitwit Hues said...

Julie, you are so beautiful ... heart and soul. Your little ladies' are a gorgeous reflection of you and are a joy to see. I know it's hard, but your strength is amazing. I send you support, love, and every wish for happiness. I know you will conquer all, and I've complete faith in you. Love yourself as you love your little ladies. ((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))

Rachel Kovaciny said...

"Some days I think I've got it and we (mostly) sail through painlessly. And other days it's tears all around as we struggle against new boundaries and limitations."

This is my life right now even without being minus one full-time parent. I can't imagine how much tougher it must be for you -- I wish I was around to help you more!

I actually had a dream about you last night, that you were back to working at the photo lab. At least that's not true! :-)

Julie said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. This is actually the only place I've talked about this and it really does mean alot to me that I have been heard.

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