Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Rainy Days

It finally rained yesterday.
I mean, really rained. Poured, drenched everything. Though, today I'm feeling a bit rainy myself. Much like this sad little puddle, here.
We've finally pulled out the D-word. I did, anyway. I really wanted it to work, so, so much. But it's just not gonna, and more than anything else it hurts to keep trying to keep it together. So this is the beginning of the end of our marriage. We'll be separated one year in September and then we can start the process. Here's hoping for as quick and painless as possible, though, there's already more than enough hurting to go around.
I know this is kind of a heavy topic but I need to get this out and announce it to the world, one step closer to coming into focus for me. There it is. I will get through, I will survive. My girls are my number one priority. They've done well in the past 10 months, adjusting, though, it does show. Now there is more anger in it but I'm doing my damnedest not to let them see that.
We will all make it in the end. And the sun will shine here again. And, eventually, this ache in my chest and knot in my stomach and lump in my throat will subside. Just maybe not today.

10 comments:

Nicole Benjamin said...

Thinking of you and your family mama, may the sun shine upon you when you need it the most and my your heart be full with the love of your girls. Peace to all of you during this time and big hugs xoxo

Bumpkin Bears said...

I'm so very sorry to hear your news, sending you lots of the biggest hugs whenever you need them. oh yes and some hugs for your gorgeous sheep and girls too. Catherine x

Stacey said...

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult heartbreaking experience right now. You will make it, you and your girls will make it together. My thoughts are with you and may you come through all of this with your heart healed and feeling the warmth of the sun shining upon you.

Alisa said...

My heart goes out to you and your girls. I've been in your position before and it does hurt. But know that it does also get better and it may all be a blessing in disguise. I know that my decision at that time (12 yrs ago) was the right one for everyone and quite frankly I have never been more happier than right now, in my life.
Hugs to you!!!

Julie said...

Thank you all so much for your sweet words. It really is so nice to know others are thinking of you in times like this.

aquariann said...

Gorgeous rainy day photos. I'm sorry to hear you and your girls are going through such a tough time, but the sun will eventually come out!! ^.^

Amber said...

I'm so sorry life is sending you rainclouds right now. Coming out with it to the world is brave and shows your strength immensely. You will get through this.

Michael - Innkeeper said...

glad to see the rain. it's been so dry here in central pa. we need a good storm! i think the earth may sizzle when it does.

Earth Mama said...

I went through a separation with my first. Sometimes it really sucks to think that try as you might, the other person isn't going to change. But as strong women, it is up to us to show our children how to be strong. Your post shines strength, and you and your girls will be in my thoughts.

:)Lisa

Julie said...

It's a hard thing you are going through. I'm sorry to hear it. You will make it though I'll be praying for you.

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