We're still figuring out this new life with ours, + one kid, - one adult. I'm beginning to feel out-numbered. Some days I think I've got it and we (mostly) sail through painlessly. And other days it's tears all around as we struggle against new boundaries and limitations. Mostly mine. This mama is no superwoman. But we're still here, stepping into each day with a hopefulness and determination.
The girls are having a bit of difficulty finding their place with our new baby. They have been taking turns reverting backward. I never know from day to day who will decide she cannot dress herself any longer. Who has to use a sippy cup and when, oh when will my Zoe decide to start using the toilet again?! Though, Kaiya loves to play mommy to River. Yesterday River sat in her little seat as I cleaned the bathroom (no toxic/smelly chemicals). She began to cry so Kaiya immediately ran to the fridge and grabbed the bottle I had pumped for my husband to give her when he came over on Sunday. She was so pleased that River would take a (cold) bottle from her. And I am happy to see my little girls so in love with their new sister despite their new found insecurities.
I struggle to fill the role of mommy and daddy, without much grace, I must admit.
The past few weeks I have been feeling the pull of the baby blues, a darkness settling in. I've been there before, but am coming out now, digging my heels in and refusing to let it take me under. I have too much life here to surrender to depression. A new life to build for me and my girls. And while every day we have trials and mountains to climb and some days we are all four screaming and crying I am eager to get on with our lives and to be everything my girls need me to be... everything I need me to be.
So, we are taking little steps and being gentle with ourselves and each other. And taking lots and lots of time to just love each other.
