Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Kitten and Saturday's Giveaway List

My latest hat. As soon as Zoe saw it on River she exclaimed "It's a kitten hat!". Thus the kitten was born.
I'm well this week. Keeping very busy, working hard to get ready for the event next month I'm attending. I really do enjoy showing and selling my work in person. It's quite gratifying to hear immediate feedback.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Few Minutes

Days come that seem so overwhelming. And I need just a few minutes to pull it back together, breathe in, breathe out.
Here's where I can still myself. Slow down and be quiet.
This helps. It really does. I take five minutes outside, capturing the world around me. Five minutes, or until my heart beat begins to slow, my hands grow steady and I'm not so angry anymore.
Until I feel like I can go back in and speak calmly and be the mama my girls need me to be.

What centers you?

Monday, August 23, 2010

On (Not) Halting Production

When feeling down (sad, angry, depressed...) the tendency is to hide myself away, feeling sorry and miserable for myself, abandoning hobbies, things that make me joyful and all productivity (except the crazed house cleaning when I'm brimming over with anger and just don't know what else to do with it). Not healthy and as I said before, just not helpful either.
I cannot make things, people, the world always go as I want them to. Shit happens and hearts get broken... it's inevitable. That does not, however, entitle me to curl up and die (that is, speaking figuratively, of course. No need for alarm.) Let's just be real here, divorce happens every day. It hurts like hell but at this moment there are so many women just like me going through the exact same thing. My inability to move the fuck on is is no way unique. Does that make my loss and pain any less real and acute? Of course not. But for every one of the women where I am right now is another woman who pulled it together, at last, and has found peace and perhaps, if I dare say... happiness.
This is not the end. I don't want to be here (in this) but I don't really have much control over that, now do I? But the one thing we always have some say in, no matter what occurs, is our reaction. I can shut myself off and curl up and die, which is in no way useful to either me or my three children, or I can get up and keep going. How in the world can I expect to move through something if I'm sitting here in the floor having a pity party for myself? And what does that teach my girls?
Sadness, in a situation like this, is an entirely appropriate response. But I will not let it define me. This is me getting up and continuing on my journey through this. I will not linger, I will not cease.
I actually already have some ideas on which direction to go. This does have to be the 'be all, end all' defining moment in my life. I want to do some charity knitting. If you do or have any excellent resources for me, please do share. Also, if you are involved in any other kind of charity work I would love to hear about it. And I have this project that involves you, yes, you and I'm so very excited to get started on it. More on that later.
Bear with me, please. Lots more ugly feeling to come, I'm sure. Just please remind me not to dwell on them. Release and let go.....

Saturday, August 21, 2010


This has been a rather hard week for me. I've just trudged through it rather ungracefully, I'm afraid to say.
Please say this does get easier. I know it must, I just can't see that now. So today I think I'll be nice to me, rest, as I'm tired most of the time anymore, and not beat myself up all day. He will come and take all three girls to his house today. I still loathe my baby being away from me, but today I won't complain, I do need the time.
I've been away from this space quite a bit lately. Looking down I see Saturday posts and that's about it. I do tend to withdraw when times are going rough. I don't think this helps. So, please, hold me accountable, I'll be here more. I will write, about the good and the bad, I will not fade away again.
I think this song sums it up. I found it on this beautiful blog, digging through her archives one night this week.

A little color to brighten your day. And mine. I'm working on lots of these for an upcoming event I'll have a booth at, but perhaps I should just hang them around meantime.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Actual Factual Knitting!

That's right, there has been some knitting going on around here... at last! Made this one for the older girls, it fits 1-3 years. I'm going to (eventually) get started on the pattern and it will be for ages 3-12 months and 1-3 years. I've got several orders on the needles at the moment, so I'm not sure just when it will be coming out.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Fun Science and Saturday's Giveaway List

Some photos from our trip the science center yesterday.

Zoe didn't care for this room too much. I think while her ears heard 'they're not alive' her eyes just couldn't get on board with that.

But they loved the butterfly habitat. Who wouldn't?

And the catfish, 'with whiskers'.

And Zoe's personal favorite, the turtles.

And for you, this Saturday's giveaway list;

Yummy smelling organic body car for you or baby

Fat Quarters

Knitted toys and hand-dyed yarn

Mini diary

Skin Free Skincare

Good luck to you and have a happy weekend!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Now That's Much Better

After ripping it out and ripping it I finally got it right. Remember this yarn? I started it a few days ago when the girls and I were having our pretend autumn day. This I dig. I worked the top in short rows, giving the back some taper around the neck. Perfect. and fits about 3-12 months. I'm going to work up the pattern and may or may not include larger sizes, we'll see.
My poor baby in her pretend cold weather gear. She was happy to oblige, though.

I'm going to make another red in the same Malabrigo. This one is already up in the shop.
Spent a great day at the science center with my mom and the girls. I'll share some pics tomorrow.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

From in Here

The rain pours down hard and the thunder cracks so loudly it's shaking the light fixture.

But my babies sleep right on through.
Enjoying a peaceful (quiet) moment during nap time. Everyone needs a nap time.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Adventures in Breastfeeding

Did you know that this week is World Breastfeeding Week? An entire week devoted to art of nourishing our babes.

My own adventures in breastfeeding began on May 31, 2005, when Kaiya, my first born came sliding into our lives. I tried right away to put her to my breast but had no luck getting her latched on. She had still not latched on by the time the midwives were ready to leave, so they encouraged me to continue trying, suggesting different techniques and said they would call in the morning and return in twenty-four hours.
During the night we tried and tried but nothing I could do helped her to latch. I felt so defeated . In the morning my midwife called to see how we were and advised that I hand express colostrum and give it to her on a sterilized spoon, so I did until she came again that evening, bringing with her a chiropractor, aka; sweet angel of breastfeeding bliss. I don't know exactly what she did, as a matter of fact, as she was doing it I didn't realize she was doing anything. She held her head gently and light touched the back sides of her head and voila! My baby latched on and nursed happily away for the next four years. She said that such and such had gotten out of line during delivery and just needed to be pushed back in or something or other. I don't really know as the only sound I heard was the sweet sucking of Kaiya at my breast.
She nursed right on through my pregnancy with Zoe as my milk didn't totally dry up.
Zoe, on the other hand, latched on before the placenta was even out. I breastfed them both for the next two and a half years. In the beginning they nursed together and later on began taking turns til Kaiya was down to only nursing upon waking in the mornings and in times of stress. At two Zoe nursed just as frequently as an infant. Exhausting, to say the least. But that only lasted til my milk dried completely up about four months into my third pregnancy, and they both gave up the boob for good.
Enter River. My third and last breastfeeding babe. She has nursed easily since day one. I had wondered if the other girls, especially Zoe, would ask to nurse once the milk returned, but they didn't. I was grateful and a little sad about that, too. The five month break from breasting during my pregnancy was nice. I enjoyed being able to wear whatever I wanted and just the freedom to sit alone. But when River came and I put her to my breast for the first time I didn't once miss that "freedom". To be all my baby needs is the greatest feeling in the world.
Breastfeeding is about so much more than filling a belly. It bonds and soothes (on both sides) like no other. And it provides the very best start we can possibly give our children.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Premature Autumn

Yes, the leaves are falling already, or in the case of this one, hanging suspended by a spider's web. Only the big maple in the middle of our yard/deck (deck being built around the tree). My dad thinks it's due to the work of a woodpecker that pecked away at the trunk, leaving a hole that been draining the last couple of months. The insects loved that.
And now my girls are loving it. We went out there before lunch today and had a pretend day of autumn. Building up piles of leaves and jumping in them. And the temp was cool enough not to break the fantasy.

Is it awful of me to be so over summer already? I'm really not a hot weather gal. Not much longer, though. And this will be real.