Friday, March 4, 2011


Here is a moment in time to savor. My two oldest girls, nestled together, mutually enjoying their book, giggling. Right now, though, I'm not hearing giggling or whispering but playing frequently intermingled with shrieks and furious cries of threats and accusations. They have been fighting all day. Most days, lately, the house is filled with their fighting. Such is life of sisters...? This is a really difficult way to be. Ill feelings and words and crying and the yelling... Almost too much for this mama.
Kaiya and Zoe are spaced 21 months apart. On the plus side, they are a wonderful age to play together and at times they can be wonderful friends. On the flip side they want the same toys and fight for them bitterly. They both love imaginative play but each wants to boss and dominate and neither wants to give an inch. And sometimes one is standing too near or looking at the other or touching her or generally breathing obnoxiously.
That said, I really don't know what the answer is. I try to handle the constant disputes diplomatically, though, I will admit, sometimes I fold and just beg for peace. I would like to think this is a stage and will pass, but I have seen too many sisters bickering and trying to outdo one another into adulthood.
What is the answer? How do you keep the peace and at the same time help to foster a close and loving relationship? Really, I would love to know and am open to suggestions.

On the bright side... spring is only 16 days away!


K E Fleck said...

I have two that are almost the same spacing apart, so I can really relate to this post. At times it feels like we have two three year olds instead of a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Other times, they are worlds apart ...

Here's to those wonderful moments of peace and love between siblings! :-)

Rachel said...

My hubby's sisters are less than 2 years apart too, and they have bickered all their lives, according to my hubby. They used to fight over friends, hairbrushes, everything. Now they haven't spoken to each other in about 4 years because of a big batch of hurt feelings, resentment, etc.

I don't know what the answer is, except lots of patience and love, and make sure you treat them as individuals and not as "the girls" lumped together, which I've seen hurt kids before. Also, there are some good parenting books out there, like "Bringing Up Girls" by James Dobson that might give you some advice and ideas...

Mama Ash Grove said...

Oh yes, I hear you.
My middle boys are 7 and 4, and the best of friends- inseparable- but also there is the fighting and competition too. Over silly things like the black colored pencil, which one of them is using and the other SWEARS he was "just about to use. . ."
I try and give them alone time apart from one another- a breather from each other where they can play quietly and independently. For our 4 year old, this is tough as he relies so much on his older brother.
I spend a lot of my time thinking of the possible fights that could ensue, before they even begin- to try and ward them off! Ugh!
I am not sure what the solution is- though I do believe time apart is essential- special "alone time" as we call it- and good communication- where they each feel that they are heard, and validated- and they know and understand how to work things out in a way that is compassionate and fair.
Oh, good luck!

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